"SWIPE THIS"

When I first entered the world of being single some 17 years ago the internet was literally just invented.  You can’t even begin to imagine how it pains me to admit that.  I have seen the online dating experience change immensely during that time.  As a Christian, I have repeatedly sworn myself off dating sites only to find myself logging in again.  The beginning of my on-line dating experience was through Match.Com back in 1999.  I was still “young” by dating standards for most who were in the dating pool so needless to say, there were quite a few options for a woman like me.  I guess, more accurately, I was a good option for THEM.  I suppose at that point in time it was attractive to meet an educated woman with a wonderful job who was well versed on a variety of subjects and loved sports.  What man wouldn’t love that.  The problem for me was, I was slightly disappointed with the options I was being given: too old, too young; too invested in believing in ‘the one’ rather than the best ones. Too many were divorced and didn’t sound like they were healed from the last marriage. And too many had clearly not left the house for a while.  Finally in 2003, I actually met a man and fell in love and not on a dating site.  That relationship lasted off and on for 13 years and in the off times I would venture into the online dating world.  But, as the years ticked by, technology changed and there was even more shall I say “product” out there.  For better or for worse, I now had girlfriends that too were entering the cyber dating world, some for the first time.  I could write a book filled with our ridiculous first date adventures.

I never had a problem with my age until men on these various started to highlight it – be it in messages, in conversation, or in their lock-down filters for girls under 29. This process has made me aware that women are often more accepting of age than men are. This was confirmed by a survey conducted by OKCupid, which suggested that on average, men aged 20–50 prefer to date a girl in her early 20s. Despite having limited the from 45-55 on my own filter, the ‘Daddios’ – as old as 65 were flooding into my inbox. By end of week two, I had 50+ reasonable matches’ (people who were more than a 70% match). But this only happened because I extended the distance range to encompass all of the US. Trust me, I was trying hard to not be choosy for this experiment.

I have even tried the Christian dating apps like Christian Mingle and Christian Crush. While many Christians have found long-term love through Christian dating sites, I’ve also heard stories of the same Christian men and women existing on these sites for years. I’ve concluded that the picky ones rarely pick. We’ve all met them… and I’ve dated some. Some of them may well have later fled to the Internet in the hope they’d find their wife: soft in character, tall, with model looks, joker, non-smoker, preferably a virgin, never confronts but isn’t a pushover... and so the list continues.
I appreciate the need to have standards when it comes to finding a life partner, but not when we’re unwilling to look at ourselves, or the fear so clearly attached to so many requirements.

Online dating creates naturally (and thankfully) more options than our local town may provide, which can catalyse the desire to be fine-tuned and higher in goal-setting – and that’s where all this gets interesting. Over the course of 17 years of seeing e-dating swell from “shame on how you met” to “oh we met on OKCupid”, now we have swipe right and swipe left to add to our online dating stories.  When I first tried “Bumble”, I was only slightly offended that I got to make the first move and it was purely based on how someone looks as the app does not allow for much explanation on who you are.  Further, I had to get past the fact that I actually enjoy being pursued. After a few uninteresting dates, I decided to take a step back and reflect.  I would like to share a few of those reflections. Neither I nor my friends have found love through a dating app. But strangely, I found myself feeling more open to that little thing that I had lost time for due to so much online activity – real life. Appearing in human form for social events, community projects or blind dates suggested by friends just make more sense – it is more productive and less isolating.

I have become more open-minded to people that cross my path everyday. It seemed the pushing of comfort zones through online dating had lifted a veil, opening my eyes to people I hadn’t previously noticed. In short, online dating may not bring forth “your person” – but it might introduce you to yourself on a whole new level which leads to my final thoughts.

A crucial component to finding a healthy relationship is the concept of getting to know yourself. You can’t know what you want or what you need in a relationship until you get to know who you are. We are encouraged to see everything that we do in life as an opportunity to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Why not see dating as just another means to this end even through a dating app.

You can learn so much about yourself as you engage in relationships with the people around you. Use this time to reflect on who you are, what you want and where you are going. See your interactions as a reflection of your strengths, weaknesses, actions and reactions. Be observant and aware so that you can use each and every relationship in your life to become a better version of yourself

After some self-reflection, I finally realized that I was using dating as the scapegoat, rather than addressing my baggage, my fears and my deep-seated insecurities. When I finally came to terms with the reality that dating was not the enemy, I was freed to address and take accountability for my interactions with the opposite sex. At the end of the day, I realized that by making intentional decisions, I could take control of my relationships rather than allowing them to take control of me.

If you are a Christian or even just someone that is trying to figure out this world, it’s time to stop freaking out about dating and see it as an opportunity for growth, insight and right relationships. It’s time to take the pressure off of “finding the one” and instead learn to glorify “The One” through every single interaction that we have with the world around us. Dating included.

"ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE - ONE THING TO SAY IT...QUITE ANOTHER TO WALK IT"

I must admit that over the past few months, I have not been walking my gratitude talk. I have been lost in my proverbial “own bad neighborhood.” Now many may understand the reason for this given that over the course of the past 6 weeks I lost my job due to closure of our Ohio office. I know this has happened to so many of us over the last few years, but for me this is the first time since I was 12 years of age that I have been without a job. Rightly or wrongly, I have defined myself by my work. I have worked so hard to climb the corporate ladder and have achieved much success and have always thought of myself as grateful. Being without a job has caused me to hyper-focus on areas of my life and relationships with other people that I have no control over. It is almost as if I have made that my full-time job to change what is not within my power. This has led me down a path that has brought me much unhappiness and anxiety.

Over the course of the past few days, I have had very relevant and spirit driven conversations with people that I respect and have nothing to gain from speaking truth to my heart. My emotional bank was literally empty and over the course of a few days has been completely filled and I am feeling a new sense of purpose. These conversations centered around my worth as a person not as someone with a great career. I was told that I am loved by God and that HE wants me to be successful in serving HIM and that I need to be still and hear what he has to say. It was reiterated to me that I am a game-changer to any relationship…personal or professional. I was told that I am beautiful on the inside and the outside and that God continues to have a plan for my life in ways that will far exceed anything I could ever imagine if I will just open my mind to it. Keep in mind my friends, these are all things that I speak to others in their time of need but the moment crisis fell upon me, I did not walk my talk.

These conversations brought me to a place where I started thinking about what it means to be grateful and to live it. Times of crisis, I believe, can make us more grateful—but I also think that gratitude also helps us cope with crisis. When we consciously are cultivating an attitude of gratitude we build up a sort of psychological immune system that can cushion us when we fall. There is evidence that grateful people are more resilient to stress, whether minor everyday hassles or major personal upheavals. Now this is what I believe to be true but for the past several weeks I willingly stripped myself of all knowledge on this subject. I began focusing on what is missing in my life and what has gone wrong.

Gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the difficult things in life are erased or ignored. Nor does it mean that for those of us that practice a life of gratitude that we don’t have struggles also. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Yes, pain and injustice and cruelty exist in the world. But when we focus on the gifts of life, we naturally gain a feeling of positive well-being. We often feel more energized to put into place practices of self-care and have healthy relationships with people we love. We are more inclined to reach out and help others and we feel we have some power to positively affect our world. This again leads to a feeling of well-being…and gratitude.

The past few days, I have taken the time to remember what I have to be grateful for. I am grateful that after 6 weeks of unemployment, I have had several great conversations and interviews. I am grateful that I was able to pay my bills this month. I am grateful that I have a wonderful roof over my head and a very comfortable place to sleep at night. I am grateful for God fearing friends that speak truth to my heart. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful that I woke up this morning and that the sun is shining. I am grateful for my beautiful daughter that is finding her own way in this world. I am grateful for the prospect of loving relationships.

I will end in a place of gratitude by saying that NOTHING is more appealing in this world than a simple touch, humble truths or gesture from another person; one that lets us know that they care. We may think becoming successful and having many things will be gratifying, but more importantly it is through our grace and kindness to one another that actually gives us the ability to become more powerful than ever before and be in a place of gratitude even in times of crisis.

“BEYOND THE CAP AND GOWN”

As graduation day is fast approaching for my 18 year old daughter Taylor, reflection seems to be a daily part of my schedule. Thoughts such as…”I remember the day you were born so clearly”…”Where has the time gone”…”What will I do with the rest of MY life” are frequent reminders that the time is growing near. Well before I became a parent, I could have guessed that raising a child would involve, in addition to much joy, its fair share of sadness. I mean, I'd seen plenty of commercials where parents watch their kids leave home. I'd been warned there would be a time to let go. I’ve done that once already as I watched Taylor go 6 hours away for boarding school. But now, it is so much more permanent. I know this because my daughter is headstrong, fiercely independent and driven when she wishes to be. She is without question…MY daughter.

But, now I have realized that the art of letting go is in fact gradual. Every year, I have found myself mourning my daughter’s slow exit from childhood. I can hardly look at photos of Taylor as a toddler without a lump forming in my throat. I miss the child she was; I want to hold on to the young woman she is now. And just when I think I grasp who she is this second, she changes again.

On the other hand, this constant changing and shifting means I've had the distinct pleasure of enjoying several amazing characters. This is in fact ironic as Taylor is headed off to East Carolina University to study Music and Theatre.

First there was the beautiful baby girl with the most unique eyes and perfectly shaped lips. I was so in love with baby Taylor and I looked forward to what (and who) would come next.

Then came the beautiful age of one. She was so joyous. Her laughs were often and loud…and her cry’s were equally as boisterous. Everything was a question at one. She would point at objects, asking: "What this? This?" Then watch me so closely as I rattled off the answers and I would be rewarded with that wet, sloppy kiss on my cheek.

The toddler ages were probably the most fun. Taylor really took her budding language skills and ran with them. She was engaged in a constant monologue. The toddler era had its dark moments as well. When her needs weren't quite met, there were a few times when she would throw herself on the ground, her language skills abandoning her as she shrieked nonsense syllables. I never thought I'd miss the toddler stage but in retrospect, those tantrums were kind of adorable compared with the bigger-kid frustrations I deal with now. Taylor was so in love with me during that era. I remember dropping her off at daycare and I would sing “Lay Your Head On My Shoulder” on the way in and she would lay her head down and curl her little legs up and just listen to what she now calls…my AWFUL vocal voice.

Kindergarten through fifth grade brought its own joys and sadness. Divorce, moving, remarriage, confusion, friend wars, birthday parties, soccer games, swim meets, and a new found talent for singing. Taylor was always so “certain” in her mind. Every time she issued a declaration. I felt a pang…at what point would self-doubt kick in for her? When would the world knock her down? I didn’t have to wait long. The middle school years were horrendous. However, what transpired during those years is Taylor’s story to tell and not mine but…her journey shaped her into the wonderful young woman she has become today. At least most of the time ;-).

Taylor is at that stage now where I know she is hearing me…but maybe doesn’t want to admit I may be a little right. She still holds my hand but she lets go much sooner. She still tells me she loves me but many times it comes after I have done something for her or she wants something from me! I try to speak truth in love and be encouraging but admittedly it almost always becomes a lecture. I keep telling her I only have a few more months to impart ALL of my worldly knowledge.

One of my favorite movies I ever took Taylor to was “Finding Nemo.” Nemo’s dad is determined to keep Nemo safe, to protect him from all possible harm and to ensure that nothing bad ever happens to him. Because of his own life experiences, he lives in a world of fear and anxiety and he projects all of this out onto his son. But when life hands both Nemo and his dad an unexpected challenge, Nemo must learn to make his own way and to believe in himself. That isn’t easy, because throughout his young life, Nemo was never allowed to fail and falter and to learn from those experiences and move forward. He has never been allowed to try new things and risk disappointment or setbacks. His father, in all of the attempts to keep Nemo safe, robbed him of one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child: a resilient spirit. The knowledge that when life knocks them down, or throws them off course, they can get through it, learn from it and emerge stronger and more ready to face the next challenge that lies ahead. And while Nemo’s father has robbed him of this important gift, he too has taken something from himself… the gift of faith. That is, after all, what it takes to let our children step out into this world… faith. We need to have faith in them, in their ability to handle and navigate the hard times. We need to have faith that they will make good choices and that they are the capable, thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate human beings that we have raised them to be.

My daughter is by far my greatest masterpiece…. a unique and perfect example of my love. A love so strong that despite all of her mistakes and shortcomings and downright defiance, I want to hold her hand forever. I want to keep a piece of her with me at all times so that I can kiss away her pain and offer my words of wisdom when she is sad or just smile and listen.

Hodding Carter said, “Two great things you can give your children are roots and wings.” It is my daily prayer that I have provided both. So in the word’s of Nemo’s Dad…Taylor…”Go have an adventure”! Mom is going to go have one too 

“SECOND CHANCES X INFINITY”

What a relief that I worship the God of second chances!

If there's one truth that's indisputable about human beings, it's that we have an infinite capacity to mess up. I am no exception to that rule.

But even more infinite than our ability to sin is God's desire to forgive us. For those of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior, that means God will forgive us every time we ask.

Maybe you've failed at something in life, and you think that dream is lost. I can tell you, though, from my own experience, that I serve the God of second chances. Right now I'm on my 65th or 75th chance. Or is it 375th chance? I lost track about 25 years ago--and I thank God every day for not keeping score.

I can honestly say I did not get my independence from my mother…I got it in spite of her. Her life choices made me recoil at the traditional idea of marrying young and raising a family. Although I did marry at 26 and again briefly at 39…I have lived most of my adult life as what my friends and I call being a serial monogamist. But it was my spirited curiosity that made me keep all of those relationships at arm’s length letting them get only so close to me.

Something happened in late 2003…I met a man and fell probably for the first time…very much in love. I won’t go into the details of how things started but I will tell you I carried a lot of guilt about it and ultimately did the hard work to get past it…both of us did. However, that guilt and other “Christy issues” led me to walk away from him and even marry another that was not even close to being the man I am sure God intended for me. I ran from the only person that challenged me, loved me, and pursued me for the greater good. I ran out of fear, guilt and downright self-hatred. And…I suffered dearly for it.

As a result, I had to go back to basics. I asked my God for forgiveness and I received it. I began the process of being accountable and vulnerable to those closest to me. And mercifully, even in the midst of bad decisions, God brought people into my life at just the right times to build into me and speak truth.

Now we are almost in the year 2012 and I can see that even though I walked away from what I believe to be the right life partner for me, I am now a better person and am able to be present and committed. And….I am excited and blessed to be in the midst of an exciting adventure of second chances with Mr. 2003! This man that I hurt so deeply to the point that I thought the emotional walls were to high to ever break down has slowly and purposefully given me a second chance. And I have slowly and consistently shown him that I believe he is my person. I don’t know where it may go but I do know that love is an act of self-giving. The more you love, the more you lose a part of that spirited curiosity of independence but I would argue mostly out of hope and faith that with God’s help you end up being complete.

I now more than ever before see God realistically. I see Him mending my disappointment. I see Him running out to meet me, giving me another chance, just like the father of the prodigal son. I put my hope and faith in that and it helps me in so many other areas of my life.

No one’s life is wrecked for good. The most loving, powerful being in the universe wants to heal it, and he does have the power and creativity to do just that.

"RELEVANCE"

It is hard for many of us to imagine something like a “catastrophe” or a significant life changing event happening to us. But it will…at some point… and of course the significance of that event and impact can be based on whatever meaning you give it. Is it easy for you to imagine that something “bad” can be turned into something “good”? Imagine for a moment losing every single possession you own in a housefire or a tornado or tsunami. One of the most precious lessons to gain from these type of life altering events is about identifying with material possessions. It is no surprise that this is what and how many of us identify or define ourselves by in today’s times. But material items never have and never will define who you truly are. Sure these things can provide “temporary” happiness, but never to the extent of anything deep or lasting.

So many people try to hold on to material possessions and the sentimentality that comes with them, as if that is all they were. The threat of these items disappearing brings them great discomfort. Many people act like they lost a part of themselves, they are distraught, lost, confused and almost as if in a state of mourning. I have been in this position just by a mere threat of losing something physically important to me on my being. Recently, I began to undergo chemotheraphy for Hodgkins Lymphoma. I know this may seem silly to those reading this but the ONLY thing I could think about was losing my hair. I was not thinking about losing my life and leaving my only child without a mother or losing my friends and family. It seems so silly now just putting it on paper. All I could think about was how at the age of 43 I would lose my long hair that I worked tirelessly to grow out and maintain. So far…I still have my hair with one cycle of treatment under my belt.

I know intuitively that it is not the end of the world, not even close and I am working…with the help of my friends to live in the present and enjoy what I have NOW and it is helping me to live a very satisfied, peaceful and fulfilled existence. It is great that my hair is still attached semi-firmly to my head, but I will be no less if it is not. Further, I have decided if it does start to fall to the floor that I will take the opportunity to use the shedding process to raise money for the Girls Education Program at Room to Read which provides an education for girls in developing countries. TURN SOMETHING BAD INTO SOMETHING GOOD!!

I believe that the experiences and memories we choose to make are always and will always be with us for as long as we choose and no object in the world through its presence or absence changes that one bit. Your memories are no less and you are no less, regardless of an object’s absence or presence. Many times, it is upon “losing” something material or physical that we held dear, that we are presented with an amazing opportunity for growth. An equally important lesson in this is that we hold the power to give a situation meaning. The situation does not have power over us, unless of course we let it.

From a spiritual perspective it is no surprise to me that Jesus called Himself the light of the world. Without the light, there is nothing to be seen. He also called Himself the Truth. Recognizing the truth in life, in a world that seems to be governed by what my pastor called the “kingdom of thingdom.” For many people it's just too simple. They live by the rule, "Why make it easy, if you can make it complicated?"

Other than the fear of losing my “stupid hair” I really have had no fear over losing my life because I believe that God is not "out there." He's right here, and He's been there all the time, endlessly giving me signs of His Presence, of His tender love and care, which I sometimes stubbornly ignore in my moments of feeling down. But I eventually come out of the dark and then everything begins to make sense. Even when life lately seems to be in total chaos suddenly it can obtain meaning... and I know what I'm talking about.

During this season, God has gently prompted me to remove whether its temporary or permanent certain relationships in my life that meant a great deal to me but surrounded me with negativity and sometimes anger. But, at the very same time when I have needed it most he has introduced AMAZING relationships into my life that have brought me emotions of trust, love, laughter and clarity. These individuals have seen me at my lowest and not judged me. They have spoken truth to me and let me know that it is ok to be upset, sick, sad, momentarily crazy (I say with laughter). But most importantly they have demanded that I receive from them their love and help. It is in these moments that I know that not only is there a God but that he loves me. I believe that there is meaning to everything. All the things we constantly take for granted as meaningless coincidences, every acquaintance, every event, every little and however apparently trivial encounter and experience bears a meaning and a message for us, if we care to see it.

“PLEASE GIVE ME SOME C-C-C-COURAGE”

I have been thinking with great intensity about the one word I pray people use to describe me when I leave this world. The word that comes to mind is courageous. Usually when this word is used, it describes some wonderful story of courage that one experiences. I found myself feeling discouraged that this really does not apply to me at this point in my life. I have never gone off to war to fight for my country. I have never saved a life or done anything so courageous that it would merit ever being mentioned. This realization for anyone could bring about feelings of depression or insignificance. But, I am a “cup half full” kinda gal. So, I began to think about courage in other ways and how I have lived out the word courage in my life. Identifying areas of courageous growth needed is well….courageous in and of itself. I have come to the stark realization that every single one of us can live a life of courage in some very measurable ways.

As I started reflecting on this novel approach to courage, I found myself growing quite excited. I thought about the areas of my life where I have dared to be courageous on a daily basis. One glaring area is the courage to be who I am or more precisely who God created me to be. This world has every day pressures to conform, so it takes a great amount of courage to NOT be “of this world”. I try very hard everyday to express myself in a genuine way while being humble and unpretentious.

Another area where I have seen significant growth in my life is through my courage to say NO. Saying the word NO is as difficult if not more than hearing the word NO. But, sometimes we even need to say no to the good in order to make room for the great. Saying no when I need to is never easy as by nature I am a pleaser, but the price I have paid in my past for not doing so far exceeds any momentary discomfort. The courage to let go many times goes hand-in-hand with the courage to say NO. Because I put myself through college, have worked since the ripe old age of twelve, have raised a child virtually on my own; the need to control has in the past, been paramount to my existence. However, through my growing faith in things I cannot see, I have learned to lean on the peace of mind that comes only from giving my best to all situations while at the same time detaching myself from the outcome knowing that everything in life has a purpose. I try with unfailing persistence to put my faith in the creator that created me. I have embraced the knowledge that who I am is not defined by the outcome of my works. Giving up resisting what you cannot control and going with, rather than against, helps me to stay in the present. Finding the courage to let go almost never hurts my ability to achieve. In fact, I have found that when I give up control my ability to achieve and grow is enhanced.

The courage to be a leader is an area in my life that I have struggled with for all of my 42 years. When I was younger, my desire to be a leader was really spurred by the desire to be popular or to move up the financial ladder of life that this world seems to place so much emphasis on. Once I found the courage to be who I am and to learn to let go and to say NO when I was called to, I realized that being a leader is not a position…it is a choice. Everyday we are presented with opportunities to lead and move others in a direction that they otherwise may not have gone. By choosing a path of integrity, personal responsibility, and taking the time to listen and challenge others and ourselves, your light will shine with a brightness that others will find hard not to follow. It is my prayer that God will continue to work with me to be a courageous leader. I am led to believe and embrace that it is through courageous leadership that we can lead others towards a future filled with possibilities. An existence filled with no war, no starvation, nor horrendous acts of violence towards women and children. Instead, a future filled with love and grace.

Hands down, the area of my life where I have had the most difficulty and arguably have suffered the greatest is in the matters of the heart. God has gently and lovingly guided me and sometimes persistently poked and prodded me when needed… to find the courage to open my heart fully. I have spent a large portion of my life throwing up walls around myself so that I will not get hurt and as a result I have hurt others and ultimately pained the part of me I was trying to avoid being injured…my heart. God is teaching me and blessing me at this stage in my life because I am finally finding the courage to listen and open my heart. Life's richest fulfillment comes from being as open to experiencing pain as deeply as its joy. By letting down my defenses and dropping the concrete barriers I placed around myself which only proved to isolate me from others and by allowing myself to be vulnerable to the anguish that life can sometimes bring… I am now beginning to experience the joy that comes from connecting with others openly, intimately and compassionately. Nothing is more courageous than the ability to know, love, care for and connect not just with others but also with the creator that wants nothing more than for me to live a life of courage.

"TOP 10 LIST"

I have been so very blessed with great friends, a great career and my biggest blessing by far is my daughter, Taylor. Even though marriage between her dad and I did not work out, Taylor is now blessed with a much larger network of family than she would have had. She now has two little brothers and a step-mom that love her as well. As Taylor’s mom, that brings me great comfort.

I was twenty-five when I became a mom. I wasn’t able to watch her being born because the sight of the initial “yicky stuff” made me toss my cookies, so they had to turn the mirrors. But, at 4:44 p.m. on December 7, 1993, I saw the grace of God in my life in the beautiful face of my daughter when she was placed in my arms. I never ever loved anything more in my life. And that kind of love…those kinds of feelings I believe only come from God.

I did not grow up having the best relationship with my mother for a myriad of reasons which are not important to this piece but now that I have a child of my own I have a better perspective on who my mom is and why she is the way she is and I love her as she is. I take motherhood VERY seriously. I do know that becoming a mother has made me see my mother in a different light. Good and bad. I can look back and see what great qualities she has. Being a parent is perhaps the biggest responsibility one may ever have in life. You are responsible and helping to for nurturing and growing another human spirit... without tainting it too much with your own faults and exposing it to everything that is good and right in the world. No one will do it perfectly. In fact, becoming a mother has exposed me to many of my own shortfalls. What a responsibility! Trying to raise someone, in spite of yourself, perfectly... but not too perfect. Knowing when to guide, and when to let go and let them be. Letting them learn through experience on their own... even if it is hard to watch. When I am feeling like I am in some way failing Taylor or when she is struggling, I lean on a verse from the Old Testament from the book of Proverbs 22:6 and I insert her name in the appropriate spots to make it personal to me. I goes like this. “Train up Taylor in the way she should go; even when Taylor is old she will not depart from it.

My prayer is that when Taylor looks back on the very hard decisions that her dad and I have had to make regarding her upbringing that she will know without a doubt that she is loved. I hope I have taught her to go through life truly seeing the beauty in it, and in her own way will help to make it a better place. I pray I have taught her sufficiently to be a good human being.. and forgiving of those who aren't. I hope I have and continue to give her the tools to learn to manage her anger and bad feelings... as there are so many situations and reasons for people to be angry and grumpy these days. I hope I have modeled for her to value human relationships more than any material thing in her life.

For Mother’s Day this year, Taylor and I and the woman I call my sister, Erin Goldschmidt, went to Washington DC. We had an incredible weekend and Taylor gave me a great gift which I could tell she put a lot of time and effort into preparing. She put together the top ten things she loves about having me as her mom. I have a list far larger than ten items that I love about being Taylor’s mom but here are just a few that I am thinking about in this moment…

1.) Everytime I look at her, I see the love that God has for me and for her in her beautiful eyes.
2.)I love watching her sleep. Reminds me of what true peace looks like.
3.)When she finally understood the love that God has for her and why he created her uniquely wonderful. (This was recent)
4.)When she holds my hand walking down a street and is not afraid that she looks “uncool”
5.)When she tells me she loves me without me saying it first.
6.)When she says, “Mom, I think I just want to hang with you today…and it’s not to go shopping.”
7.)All the major moments….winning her first triathalon, swim meet, soccer goal, Mason Idol, singing at the AVP, her first play, baptism at Crossroads…and the list will just continue to grow.
8.)When she comes to me for advice….and she takes it.
9.)Seeing her go outside herself and show compassion and empathy for someone else.
10.)Most of all….watching her discover herself….who she really is not who she felt she needed to be for others or to fit in but who SHE is and learning to LOVE herself. That is an amazing gift to me that keeps giving!