"WEIGHTY ISSUES"

Ahhh…it feels so good to just sit down and be still and finally write. The past couple of months have been stressful, crazy, difficult and full of spiritual warfare. But at the same time there have been many blessings along the way as well. Blessings included a wonderful weekend with my beautiful daughter Taylor, a trip south to see my best friend Erin get married on the beach at sunset, a very awesome trip to Monterrey Mexico with the Back2Back staff, and friends just looking out for me in general.

This past week in particular, I have been giving much thought to what it means to walk in the light of Christ as a believer. In the past it was my nature to beat myself up when I sinned, fell away from Christ for a period of time, or just struggled with whether or not he was listening to me. This morning as I was spending some quite time just talking to God, I really felt like God was reminding me that there are definitely three voices and they all talk at the same time at various moments in my life. Those voices are my own, God’s and Satan’s. It was in that moment that I was reminded that I am a Christ follower. I have already accepted the gift of grace. I have already been forgiven for every nasty deed I have done or will do. I don’t have to beat myself up any longer. God already did that for me when he allowed his son to be nailed to that cross where so many other sinners like myself had gone before Him. In that moment at approximately 5:30 a.m. this morning, I felt like a heavy rock that was pinning me down had been rolled away. I even got on the scale and was 5 pounds lighter…J I have had some other thoughts too the past few months about my life as a believer in Jesus.

Further reflection has led me to to the thought that life doesn’t always turn out how we plan it. Often it seems to turn out almost exactly opposite of how we thought it would. The job you’ve worked so hard to get slips through your fingers. The relationship that seemed to be “it” disintegrates before your very eyes. The person that you thought you could always trust betrays you. Your dreams of being used by God in great ways never seem to materialize into the way you may have dreamed. When life doesn’t turn out how you have imagined, it can be painful and confusing. More than once I’ve looked at my own life and thought, “Lord, I don’t understand what you are doing here! This was not the plan!”

These days, many people I consider friends don’t claim to follow Jesus - a complete turnaround from the way life used to be when I first became a Christ follower. I’ve found that we have more in common than not, more similarities than differences. What I have learned about Jesus through these relationships especially as of late is more than I could learn from any book or sermon. I’ve learned that Jesus is a respecter of all persons. He loves “Steve” as much as He loves me. The same is true for all those I have come to know in the past year. I’ve always known it, but now I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.

I am a sinner and a saint. I am wise and foolish. I am holy and impure. It is not my responsibility to convince the world of who Jesus is so that they will join the “good side.” It is not my responsibility to shame others with a pious perfection. However, it is my responsibility to journey through this life with others in such a way that Jesus is present here and now with them. That through me, they might be loved and discover they are loved by Him. That is really my only “job” as a Christ follower. Knowing that shall certainly take at least another 10 lbs. off that scale.