"What's Love Got To Do With It.....EVERYTHING"

What can I say….I am feeling inspired to write about this topic called LOVE….OK, I know what may be going through your mind right now. Some may be cynical on this subject, some may have cornered the market on this subject and probably many of you may be open to the concept of LOVE but may have been hurt and broken in the past by those you love. I am definitely not a professional on this subject but I would like to share some of my journey ranging from love of self, love of God, love of my child, love of a spouse, friend and how I view the subject of love now at almost 42 years of age. Just when I think I have it completely figured out, God teaches me something new on this subject.

My first kiss came at almost 15 years of age from Brian Rubel. He was a senior in high school and lived 3 hours away. We were camp counselors at a 4-H camp. I fell completely what I thought was “in love” and of course very quickly had my heart broken when it could not sustain the age difference of 3 years and the 3 hour drive. What did I learn from this “first love” experience….that someone found me cute enough to kiss because let’s face it at that age…it’s all about the looks. I also gained a lot of confidence from this experience which carried me forward in future relationships. What was most pivotal though was probably the most meaningful conversation I ever had with my mother. She was not a naturally demonstrative person with her emotions when it came to me but I remember her putting her arms around me and just letting me cry and she really seemed to understand what I was going through. That moment, I really felt like my mom loved me and cared about me in a way I was craving for from her. I wish I could have been better at this with my own daughter when she suffered her first heartbreak last year. I thought I was being supportive but my way of being supportive was to tell her how beautiful, independent and intelligent she was and she could do so much better in the boyfriend department. What I should have done was just hold her, listen to her and let her cry. I learned a valuable lesson from that and I will not make that mistake again.

Through the years, there were a series of unhealthy choices surrounding men. I chose to simply date and not engage because I was a VERY focused young woman and I promised myself that I did not need a man in order to be happy and fulfilled. I had my career, my friends and the occasional short-term relationship to fill me up. I will take this time to skip ahead and focus on my first adult long-term relationship that turned into marriage…. My daughter’s father. We were both young and trying to figure things out. I don’t think either one of us were truly prepared for what it takes to be a parent, a spouse, a friend, and a lover. Although we got the marriage part wrong, I learned probably the most I have ever learned about love and that is the concept of unconditional love. My daughter, Taylor, taught me that. I never knew my heart could be so filled with love. That snowballed ultimately into other areas of my life. Although I grew up in the church, I was not a Christian. I became a Christ-follower when my daughter was almost five years old. Over the years, I have learned how to truly love myself just by understanding the concept that God has unconditional love for me and that I have been granted mercy and grace by Jesus giving up his life for ME. The greatest form of unconditional love. I learned to forgive myself and to forgive others. My relationship with Him has infiltrated into every area of my life.

Several years ago singer Tina Turner had a hit song entitled “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” It demeans love as nothing more than a “second-hand emotion”. Sadly, our world, and even Christians, have a tendency to allow love to become unnecessary, something that takes second place to doing. If you have love for one another” (John 13:35 not just a love for friends and family, but a love for all God’s creation, he causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? I would say if you have this attitude towards LOVE, relationships can be lived out in the way that they were meant to be…with an attitude of love, mercy and grace.

With all that I have said in mind, I can close out my thoughts by sharing some of the mature feelings I have learned about love and will carry into a relationship with “one” amazing individual that I will eventually share the rest of my journey with. I carry these thoughts into my relationships with friends, family and my amazing daughter as well. Love can be a strange feeling that is one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions are blissful and overwhelming, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. I will NEVER again operate out of FEAR and be afraid to say “I Love You.” When you say these words, whether in prayer, with family and friends or with your partner, they should carry with them the desire to show them that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Secondly, be empathetic. I try to put myself in their shoes. Rather than impose my own expectations, I try hard to understand how they are feeling, where they come from, and who they are. I also take the time to concentrate on how they could also love me back just as well and effectively communicate that. I aspire to love even more unconditionally. If I cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism. If your interest is not in the other person but rather in how that person can enhance your life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. I expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. That’s where boundaries need to be established. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing their love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. I have also come to learn that love can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. I feel truly lucky and blessed to have people in my life to love. Finally, I will never stop giving love. That is what God has created me to do. To love others and by the same vein to receive love. Final thought….“Thank you….I receive that.”