"TOP 10 LIST"

I have been so very blessed with great friends, a great career and my biggest blessing by far is my daughter, Taylor. Even though marriage between her dad and I did not work out, Taylor is now blessed with a much larger network of family than she would have had. She now has two little brothers and a step-mom that love her as well. As Taylor’s mom, that brings me great comfort.

I was twenty-five when I became a mom. I wasn’t able to watch her being born because the sight of the initial “yicky stuff” made me toss my cookies, so they had to turn the mirrors. But, at 4:44 p.m. on December 7, 1993, I saw the grace of God in my life in the beautiful face of my daughter when she was placed in my arms. I never ever loved anything more in my life. And that kind of love…those kinds of feelings I believe only come from God.

I did not grow up having the best relationship with my mother for a myriad of reasons which are not important to this piece but now that I have a child of my own I have a better perspective on who my mom is and why she is the way she is and I love her as she is. I take motherhood VERY seriously. I do know that becoming a mother has made me see my mother in a different light. Good and bad. I can look back and see what great qualities she has. Being a parent is perhaps the biggest responsibility one may ever have in life. You are responsible and helping to for nurturing and growing another human spirit... without tainting it too much with your own faults and exposing it to everything that is good and right in the world. No one will do it perfectly. In fact, becoming a mother has exposed me to many of my own shortfalls. What a responsibility! Trying to raise someone, in spite of yourself, perfectly... but not too perfect. Knowing when to guide, and when to let go and let them be. Letting them learn through experience on their own... even if it is hard to watch. When I am feeling like I am in some way failing Taylor or when she is struggling, I lean on a verse from the Old Testament from the book of Proverbs 22:6 and I insert her name in the appropriate spots to make it personal to me. I goes like this. “Train up Taylor in the way she should go; even when Taylor is old she will not depart from it.

My prayer is that when Taylor looks back on the very hard decisions that her dad and I have had to make regarding her upbringing that she will know without a doubt that she is loved. I hope I have taught her to go through life truly seeing the beauty in it, and in her own way will help to make it a better place. I pray I have taught her sufficiently to be a good human being.. and forgiving of those who aren't. I hope I have and continue to give her the tools to learn to manage her anger and bad feelings... as there are so many situations and reasons for people to be angry and grumpy these days. I hope I have modeled for her to value human relationships more than any material thing in her life.

For Mother’s Day this year, Taylor and I and the woman I call my sister, Erin Goldschmidt, went to Washington DC. We had an incredible weekend and Taylor gave me a great gift which I could tell she put a lot of time and effort into preparing. She put together the top ten things she loves about having me as her mom. I have a list far larger than ten items that I love about being Taylor’s mom but here are just a few that I am thinking about in this moment…

1.) Everytime I look at her, I see the love that God has for me and for her in her beautiful eyes.
2.)I love watching her sleep. Reminds me of what true peace looks like.
3.)When she finally understood the love that God has for her and why he created her uniquely wonderful. (This was recent)
4.)When she holds my hand walking down a street and is not afraid that she looks “uncool”
5.)When she tells me she loves me without me saying it first.
6.)When she says, “Mom, I think I just want to hang with you today…and it’s not to go shopping.”
7.)All the major moments….winning her first triathalon, swim meet, soccer goal, Mason Idol, singing at the AVP, her first play, baptism at Crossroads…and the list will just continue to grow.
8.)When she comes to me for advice….and she takes it.
9.)Seeing her go outside herself and show compassion and empathy for someone else.
10.)Most of all….watching her discover herself….who she really is not who she felt she needed to be for others or to fit in but who SHE is and learning to LOVE herself. That is an amazing gift to me that keeps giving!

"What's Love Got To Do With It.....EVERYTHING"

What can I say….I am feeling inspired to write about this topic called LOVE….OK, I know what may be going through your mind right now. Some may be cynical on this subject, some may have cornered the market on this subject and probably many of you may be open to the concept of LOVE but may have been hurt and broken in the past by those you love. I am definitely not a professional on this subject but I would like to share some of my journey ranging from love of self, love of God, love of my child, love of a spouse, friend and how I view the subject of love now at almost 42 years of age. Just when I think I have it completely figured out, God teaches me something new on this subject.

My first kiss came at almost 15 years of age from Brian Rubel. He was a senior in high school and lived 3 hours away. We were camp counselors at a 4-H camp. I fell completely what I thought was “in love” and of course very quickly had my heart broken when it could not sustain the age difference of 3 years and the 3 hour drive. What did I learn from this “first love” experience….that someone found me cute enough to kiss because let’s face it at that age…it’s all about the looks. I also gained a lot of confidence from this experience which carried me forward in future relationships. What was most pivotal though was probably the most meaningful conversation I ever had with my mother. She was not a naturally demonstrative person with her emotions when it came to me but I remember her putting her arms around me and just letting me cry and she really seemed to understand what I was going through. That moment, I really felt like my mom loved me and cared about me in a way I was craving for from her. I wish I could have been better at this with my own daughter when she suffered her first heartbreak last year. I thought I was being supportive but my way of being supportive was to tell her how beautiful, independent and intelligent she was and she could do so much better in the boyfriend department. What I should have done was just hold her, listen to her and let her cry. I learned a valuable lesson from that and I will not make that mistake again.

Through the years, there were a series of unhealthy choices surrounding men. I chose to simply date and not engage because I was a VERY focused young woman and I promised myself that I did not need a man in order to be happy and fulfilled. I had my career, my friends and the occasional short-term relationship to fill me up. I will take this time to skip ahead and focus on my first adult long-term relationship that turned into marriage…. My daughter’s father. We were both young and trying to figure things out. I don’t think either one of us were truly prepared for what it takes to be a parent, a spouse, a friend, and a lover. Although we got the marriage part wrong, I learned probably the most I have ever learned about love and that is the concept of unconditional love. My daughter, Taylor, taught me that. I never knew my heart could be so filled with love. That snowballed ultimately into other areas of my life. Although I grew up in the church, I was not a Christian. I became a Christ-follower when my daughter was almost five years old. Over the years, I have learned how to truly love myself just by understanding the concept that God has unconditional love for me and that I have been granted mercy and grace by Jesus giving up his life for ME. The greatest form of unconditional love. I learned to forgive myself and to forgive others. My relationship with Him has infiltrated into every area of my life.

Several years ago singer Tina Turner had a hit song entitled “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” It demeans love as nothing more than a “second-hand emotion”. Sadly, our world, and even Christians, have a tendency to allow love to become unnecessary, something that takes second place to doing. If you have love for one another” (John 13:35 not just a love for friends and family, but a love for all God’s creation, he causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? I would say if you have this attitude towards LOVE, relationships can be lived out in the way that they were meant to be…with an attitude of love, mercy and grace.

With all that I have said in mind, I can close out my thoughts by sharing some of the mature feelings I have learned about love and will carry into a relationship with “one” amazing individual that I will eventually share the rest of my journey with. I carry these thoughts into my relationships with friends, family and my amazing daughter as well. Love can be a strange feeling that is one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions are blissful and overwhelming, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. I will NEVER again operate out of FEAR and be afraid to say “I Love You.” When you say these words, whether in prayer, with family and friends or with your partner, they should carry with them the desire to show them that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Secondly, be empathetic. I try to put myself in their shoes. Rather than impose my own expectations, I try hard to understand how they are feeling, where they come from, and who they are. I also take the time to concentrate on how they could also love me back just as well and effectively communicate that. I aspire to love even more unconditionally. If I cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism. If your interest is not in the other person but rather in how that person can enhance your life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. I expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. That’s where boundaries need to be established. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing their love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. I have also come to learn that love can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. I feel truly lucky and blessed to have people in my life to love. Finally, I will never stop giving love. That is what God has created me to do. To love others and by the same vein to receive love. Final thought….“Thank you….I receive that.”

SUCCESS ..."And The First Shall Be Last and the Last First"

I was talking with a good friend of mine last night and we began talking about success and how people view success differently. I have actually been working on this piece for a few weeks but couldn’t quite put the finishing touches on my thoughts until now. SUCCESS…how people view success is an important question for me to ask when I am beginning to engage with people because it gives a pretty accurate view of where that person is in their journey and the things that are important to them. I like to ask questions like, “How do YOU measure your own success?” It always leads to a pretty interesting discussion and is a great ice-breaker at a dinner party….there is nothing like putting someone on the hot seat right away! I have heard people describe success as the balance in their bank account, and how their peers recognize them. Some describe success as how successful their children turn out.

In recent years, I have been of the opinion that success is multi-determined. I think in order to achieve success you first have to be authentic and live your life from that place while always striving to be better. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, “Insist on yourself. Never imitate.” Being authentic means living from a platform where you will stand up for an ideal, or act to improve the lives of others, or strike out against injustice. I believe at least at this point of my 41 year old life that my most important contribution to the world might be being who I am… and that is caring, kind, civil, decent, and a hopeful woman, friend, mother and partner. I believe that these ideals come from the person most important in my life, My Father…God! I also believe that these traits are a part of my calling from God.

I used to have these grand ideals on how I wanted to make an impact on the world and then I would consider myself successful. I wanted to change things for the better, improve lives, leave behind something positive. And yet, with the vastness of this world, and the number of people out there that will resist change … it seems impossible at times that I would ever have a big impact on this world. How can one person make an impact on the world? How can those of us who aren’t in the circle of influencers such as elected officials or influential media types effect change? It can be very overwhelming like how I feel when I am sitting by the ocean. It’s like dropping all those efforts into the ocean — the overall effect is …unnoticeable. However, I now tend to view success one life at a time. Taking those same “ocean efforts” and concentrating them in the right place can make an impact..

I am fairly certain there are many of us who would like to make an impact on the world, in some way or another. I now believe it happens one life at a time and one interaction at a time. Perhaps you can remember an interaction with someone who made you feel really good about yourself. They made you feel respected, valued, and understood. Now try to remember a time when someone's words or actions made you feel bad about yourself. You may have felt insulted or alienated.

Do you think about how others feel about themselves after they speak with you? You should. Because what you say and do impacts the way people feel about themselves. How people feel after interacting with you on a first encounter is especially important, because it will impact how they feel about you, at that moment and perhaps permanently. It’s pretty elementary actually -- If you make people feel understood and happy, they may project that good feeling onto you and feel positively about you. However, if you inadvertently insult them or make them feel ill at ease, they may project inaccurate negative traits onto you. At the very least, they will associate their good or bad feelings with you. One sentence, one idea, or one action can make a massive impact. You never know who will be touched. Confirmation from this can come from bumping into someone you helped years earlier. New doors may open after years of knocking. However, be prepared that you also may never truly know the full extent of your impact so have other reasons to do what you do.

SUCCESS…from a biblical standpoint, it is important to know that God doesn’t call us to be successful, but to be faithful. If we measure our acts by terms of success, we can get really discouraged real fast, because there will always be someone more successful in the world’s eyes. God created each of us unique and with a mission and calling. In Ephesians 2:10, He say’s, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he prepared in advance for us to do!” True success in His Kingdom is being faithful to that calling he gives us, especially in the face of even the worst discouragement.

Our culture of course defines success as being a little better than everyone else. As a Christ follower, I know this is not true because Jesus said that the first shall be last, and the last shall be first! In his message to the churches, Jesus does not ever mention the “success” of their church or what a great fire and brimstone sermon was delivered by their dynamic pastor or even how awesome their Sunday school program is. He never mentions that he know’s their faith…He says “I know your works.” As a lover of Christ and all He did for me, my works will determine my success in God's eyes and the faith that is truly in my heart. If we are faithful, our works will glorify Him daily and the impact will be AMAZING. And their in lies how I determine SUCCESS!