It is hard for many of us to imagine something like a “catastrophe” or a significant life changing event happening to us. But it will…at some point… and of course the significance of that event and impact can be based on whatever meaning you give it. Is it easy for you to imagine that something “bad” can be turned into something “good”? Imagine for a moment losing every single possession you own in a housefire or a tornado or tsunami. One of the most precious lessons to gain from these type of life altering events is about identifying with material possessions. It is no surprise that this is what and how many of us identify or define ourselves by in today’s times. But material items never have and never will define who you truly are. Sure these things can provide “temporary” happiness, but never to the extent of anything deep or lasting.
So many people try to hold on to material possessions and the sentimentality that comes with them, as if that is all they were. The threat of these items disappearing brings them great discomfort. Many people act like they lost a part of themselves, they are distraught, lost, confused and almost as if in a state of mourning. I have been in this position just by a mere threat of losing something physically important to me on my being. Recently, I began to undergo chemotheraphy for Hodgkins Lymphoma. I know this may seem silly to those reading this but the ONLY thing I could think about was losing my hair. I was not thinking about losing my life and leaving my only child without a mother or losing my friends and family. It seems so silly now just putting it on paper. All I could think about was how at the age of 43 I would lose my long hair that I worked tirelessly to grow out and maintain. So far…I still have my hair with one cycle of treatment under my belt.
I know intuitively that it is not the end of the world, not even close and I am working…with the help of my friends to live in the present and enjoy what I have NOW and it is helping me to live a very satisfied, peaceful and fulfilled existence. It is great that my hair is still attached semi-firmly to my head, but I will be no less if it is not. Further, I have decided if it does start to fall to the floor that I will take the opportunity to use the shedding process to raise money for the Girls Education Program at Room to Read which provides an education for girls in developing countries. TURN SOMETHING BAD INTO SOMETHING GOOD!!
I believe that the experiences and memories we choose to make are always and will always be with us for as long as we choose and no object in the world through its presence or absence changes that one bit. Your memories are no less and you are no less, regardless of an object’s absence or presence. Many times, it is upon “losing” something material or physical that we held dear, that we are presented with an amazing opportunity for growth. An equally important lesson in this is that we hold the power to give a situation meaning. The situation does not have power over us, unless of course we let it.
From a spiritual perspective it is no surprise to me that Jesus called Himself the light of the world. Without the light, there is nothing to be seen. He also called Himself the Truth. Recognizing the truth in life, in a world that seems to be governed by what my pastor called the “kingdom of thingdom.” For many people it's just too simple. They live by the rule, "Why make it easy, if you can make it complicated?"
Other than the fear of losing my “stupid hair” I really have had no fear over losing my life because I believe that God is not "out there." He's right here, and He's been there all the time, endlessly giving me signs of His Presence, of His tender love and care, which I sometimes stubbornly ignore in my moments of feeling down. But I eventually come out of the dark and then everything begins to make sense. Even when life lately seems to be in total chaos suddenly it can obtain meaning... and I know what I'm talking about.
During this season, God has gently prompted me to remove whether its temporary or permanent certain relationships in my life that meant a great deal to me but surrounded me with negativity and sometimes anger. But, at the very same time when I have needed it most he has introduced AMAZING relationships into my life that have brought me emotions of trust, love, laughter and clarity. These individuals have seen me at my lowest and not judged me. They have spoken truth to me and let me know that it is ok to be upset, sick, sad, momentarily crazy (I say with laughter). But most importantly they have demanded that I receive from them their love and help. It is in these moments that I know that not only is there a God but that he loves me. I believe that there is meaning to everything. All the things we constantly take for granted as meaningless coincidences, every acquaintance, every event, every little and however apparently trivial encounter and experience bears a meaning and a message for us, if we care to see it.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
“PLEASE GIVE ME SOME C-C-C-COURAGE”
I have been thinking with great intensity about the one word I pray people use to describe me when I leave this world. The word that comes to mind is courageous. Usually when this word is used, it describes some wonderful story of courage that one experiences. I found myself feeling discouraged that this really does not apply to me at this point in my life. I have never gone off to war to fight for my country. I have never saved a life or done anything so courageous that it would merit ever being mentioned. This realization for anyone could bring about feelings of depression or insignificance. But, I am a “cup half full” kinda gal. So, I began to think about courage in other ways and how I have lived out the word courage in my life. Identifying areas of courageous growth needed is well….courageous in and of itself. I have come to the stark realization that every single one of us can live a life of courage in some very measurable ways.
As I started reflecting on this novel approach to courage, I found myself growing quite excited. I thought about the areas of my life where I have dared to be courageous on a daily basis. One glaring area is the courage to be who I am or more precisely who God created me to be. This world has every day pressures to conform, so it takes a great amount of courage to NOT be “of this world”. I try very hard everyday to express myself in a genuine way while being humble and unpretentious.
Another area where I have seen significant growth in my life is through my courage to say NO. Saying the word NO is as difficult if not more than hearing the word NO. But, sometimes we even need to say no to the good in order to make room for the great. Saying no when I need to is never easy as by nature I am a pleaser, but the price I have paid in my past for not doing so far exceeds any momentary discomfort. The courage to let go many times goes hand-in-hand with the courage to say NO. Because I put myself through college, have worked since the ripe old age of twelve, have raised a child virtually on my own; the need to control has in the past, been paramount to my existence. However, through my growing faith in things I cannot see, I have learned to lean on the peace of mind that comes only from giving my best to all situations while at the same time detaching myself from the outcome knowing that everything in life has a purpose. I try with unfailing persistence to put my faith in the creator that created me. I have embraced the knowledge that who I am is not defined by the outcome of my works. Giving up resisting what you cannot control and going with, rather than against, helps me to stay in the present. Finding the courage to let go almost never hurts my ability to achieve. In fact, I have found that when I give up control my ability to achieve and grow is enhanced.
The courage to be a leader is an area in my life that I have struggled with for all of my 42 years. When I was younger, my desire to be a leader was really spurred by the desire to be popular or to move up the financial ladder of life that this world seems to place so much emphasis on. Once I found the courage to be who I am and to learn to let go and to say NO when I was called to, I realized that being a leader is not a position…it is a choice. Everyday we are presented with opportunities to lead and move others in a direction that they otherwise may not have gone. By choosing a path of integrity, personal responsibility, and taking the time to listen and challenge others and ourselves, your light will shine with a brightness that others will find hard not to follow. It is my prayer that God will continue to work with me to be a courageous leader. I am led to believe and embrace that it is through courageous leadership that we can lead others towards a future filled with possibilities. An existence filled with no war, no starvation, nor horrendous acts of violence towards women and children. Instead, a future filled with love and grace.
Hands down, the area of my life where I have had the most difficulty and arguably have suffered the greatest is in the matters of the heart. God has gently and lovingly guided me and sometimes persistently poked and prodded me when needed… to find the courage to open my heart fully. I have spent a large portion of my life throwing up walls around myself so that I will not get hurt and as a result I have hurt others and ultimately pained the part of me I was trying to avoid being injured…my heart. God is teaching me and blessing me at this stage in my life because I am finally finding the courage to listen and open my heart. Life's richest fulfillment comes from being as open to experiencing pain as deeply as its joy. By letting down my defenses and dropping the concrete barriers I placed around myself which only proved to isolate me from others and by allowing myself to be vulnerable to the anguish that life can sometimes bring… I am now beginning to experience the joy that comes from connecting with others openly, intimately and compassionately. Nothing is more courageous than the ability to know, love, care for and connect not just with others but also with the creator that wants nothing more than for me to live a life of courage.
As I started reflecting on this novel approach to courage, I found myself growing quite excited. I thought about the areas of my life where I have dared to be courageous on a daily basis. One glaring area is the courage to be who I am or more precisely who God created me to be. This world has every day pressures to conform, so it takes a great amount of courage to NOT be “of this world”. I try very hard everyday to express myself in a genuine way while being humble and unpretentious.
Another area where I have seen significant growth in my life is through my courage to say NO. Saying the word NO is as difficult if not more than hearing the word NO. But, sometimes we even need to say no to the good in order to make room for the great. Saying no when I need to is never easy as by nature I am a pleaser, but the price I have paid in my past for not doing so far exceeds any momentary discomfort. The courage to let go many times goes hand-in-hand with the courage to say NO. Because I put myself through college, have worked since the ripe old age of twelve, have raised a child virtually on my own; the need to control has in the past, been paramount to my existence. However, through my growing faith in things I cannot see, I have learned to lean on the peace of mind that comes only from giving my best to all situations while at the same time detaching myself from the outcome knowing that everything in life has a purpose. I try with unfailing persistence to put my faith in the creator that created me. I have embraced the knowledge that who I am is not defined by the outcome of my works. Giving up resisting what you cannot control and going with, rather than against, helps me to stay in the present. Finding the courage to let go almost never hurts my ability to achieve. In fact, I have found that when I give up control my ability to achieve and grow is enhanced.
The courage to be a leader is an area in my life that I have struggled with for all of my 42 years. When I was younger, my desire to be a leader was really spurred by the desire to be popular or to move up the financial ladder of life that this world seems to place so much emphasis on. Once I found the courage to be who I am and to learn to let go and to say NO when I was called to, I realized that being a leader is not a position…it is a choice. Everyday we are presented with opportunities to lead and move others in a direction that they otherwise may not have gone. By choosing a path of integrity, personal responsibility, and taking the time to listen and challenge others and ourselves, your light will shine with a brightness that others will find hard not to follow. It is my prayer that God will continue to work with me to be a courageous leader. I am led to believe and embrace that it is through courageous leadership that we can lead others towards a future filled with possibilities. An existence filled with no war, no starvation, nor horrendous acts of violence towards women and children. Instead, a future filled with love and grace.
Hands down, the area of my life where I have had the most difficulty and arguably have suffered the greatest is in the matters of the heart. God has gently and lovingly guided me and sometimes persistently poked and prodded me when needed… to find the courage to open my heart fully. I have spent a large portion of my life throwing up walls around myself so that I will not get hurt and as a result I have hurt others and ultimately pained the part of me I was trying to avoid being injured…my heart. God is teaching me and blessing me at this stage in my life because I am finally finding the courage to listen and open my heart. Life's richest fulfillment comes from being as open to experiencing pain as deeply as its joy. By letting down my defenses and dropping the concrete barriers I placed around myself which only proved to isolate me from others and by allowing myself to be vulnerable to the anguish that life can sometimes bring… I am now beginning to experience the joy that comes from connecting with others openly, intimately and compassionately. Nothing is more courageous than the ability to know, love, care for and connect not just with others but also with the creator that wants nothing more than for me to live a life of courage.
Monday, May 31, 2010
"TOP 10 LIST"
I have been so very blessed with great friends, a great career and my biggest blessing by far is my daughter, Taylor. Even though marriage between her dad and I did not work out, Taylor is now blessed with a much larger network of family than she would have had. She now has two little brothers and a step-mom that love her as well. As Taylor’s mom, that brings me great comfort.
I was twenty-five when I became a mom. I wasn’t able to watch her being born because the sight of the initial “yicky stuff” made me toss my cookies, so they had to turn the mirrors. But, at 4:44 p.m. on December 7, 1993, I saw the grace of God in my life in the beautiful face of my daughter when she was placed in my arms. I never ever loved anything more in my life. And that kind of love…those kinds of feelings I believe only come from God.
I did not grow up having the best relationship with my mother for a myriad of reasons which are not important to this piece but now that I have a child of my own I have a better perspective on who my mom is and why she is the way she is and I love her as she is. I take motherhood VERY seriously. I do know that becoming a mother has made me see my mother in a different light. Good and bad. I can look back and see what great qualities she has. Being a parent is perhaps the biggest responsibility one may ever have in life. You are responsible and helping to for nurturing and growing another human spirit... without tainting it too much with your own faults and exposing it to everything that is good and right in the world. No one will do it perfectly. In fact, becoming a mother has exposed me to many of my own shortfalls. What a responsibility! Trying to raise someone, in spite of yourself, perfectly... but not too perfect. Knowing when to guide, and when to let go and let them be. Letting them learn through experience on their own... even if it is hard to watch. When I am feeling like I am in some way failing Taylor or when she is struggling, I lean on a verse from the Old Testament from the book of Proverbs 22:6 and I insert her name in the appropriate spots to make it personal to me. I goes like this. “Train up Taylor in the way she should go; even when Taylor is old she will not depart from it.
My prayer is that when Taylor looks back on the very hard decisions that her dad and I have had to make regarding her upbringing that she will know without a doubt that she is loved. I hope I have taught her to go through life truly seeing the beauty in it, and in her own way will help to make it a better place. I pray I have taught her sufficiently to be a good human being.. and forgiving of those who aren't. I hope I have and continue to give her the tools to learn to manage her anger and bad feelings... as there are so many situations and reasons for people to be angry and grumpy these days. I hope I have modeled for her to value human relationships more than any material thing in her life.
For Mother’s Day this year, Taylor and I and the woman I call my sister, Erin Goldschmidt, went to Washington DC. We had an incredible weekend and Taylor gave me a great gift which I could tell she put a lot of time and effort into preparing. She put together the top ten things she loves about having me as her mom. I have a list far larger than ten items that I love about being Taylor’s mom but here are just a few that I am thinking about in this moment…
1.) Everytime I look at her, I see the love that God has for me and for her in her beautiful eyes.
2.)I love watching her sleep. Reminds me of what true peace looks like.
3.)When she finally understood the love that God has for her and why he created her uniquely wonderful. (This was recent)
4.)When she holds my hand walking down a street and is not afraid that she looks “uncool”
5.)When she tells me she loves me without me saying it first.
6.)When she says, “Mom, I think I just want to hang with you today…and it’s not to go shopping.”
7.)All the major moments….winning her first triathalon, swim meet, soccer goal, Mason Idol, singing at the AVP, her first play, baptism at Crossroads…and the list will just continue to grow.
8.)When she comes to me for advice….and she takes it.
9.)Seeing her go outside herself and show compassion and empathy for someone else.
10.)Most of all….watching her discover herself….who she really is not who she felt she needed to be for others or to fit in but who SHE is and learning to LOVE herself. That is an amazing gift to me that keeps giving!
I was twenty-five when I became a mom. I wasn’t able to watch her being born because the sight of the initial “yicky stuff” made me toss my cookies, so they had to turn the mirrors. But, at 4:44 p.m. on December 7, 1993, I saw the grace of God in my life in the beautiful face of my daughter when she was placed in my arms. I never ever loved anything more in my life. And that kind of love…those kinds of feelings I believe only come from God.
I did not grow up having the best relationship with my mother for a myriad of reasons which are not important to this piece but now that I have a child of my own I have a better perspective on who my mom is and why she is the way she is and I love her as she is. I take motherhood VERY seriously. I do know that becoming a mother has made me see my mother in a different light. Good and bad. I can look back and see what great qualities she has. Being a parent is perhaps the biggest responsibility one may ever have in life. You are responsible and helping to for nurturing and growing another human spirit... without tainting it too much with your own faults and exposing it to everything that is good and right in the world. No one will do it perfectly. In fact, becoming a mother has exposed me to many of my own shortfalls. What a responsibility! Trying to raise someone, in spite of yourself, perfectly... but not too perfect. Knowing when to guide, and when to let go and let them be. Letting them learn through experience on their own... even if it is hard to watch. When I am feeling like I am in some way failing Taylor or when she is struggling, I lean on a verse from the Old Testament from the book of Proverbs 22:6 and I insert her name in the appropriate spots to make it personal to me. I goes like this. “Train up Taylor in the way she should go; even when Taylor is old she will not depart from it.
My prayer is that when Taylor looks back on the very hard decisions that her dad and I have had to make regarding her upbringing that she will know without a doubt that she is loved. I hope I have taught her to go through life truly seeing the beauty in it, and in her own way will help to make it a better place. I pray I have taught her sufficiently to be a good human being.. and forgiving of those who aren't. I hope I have and continue to give her the tools to learn to manage her anger and bad feelings... as there are so many situations and reasons for people to be angry and grumpy these days. I hope I have modeled for her to value human relationships more than any material thing in her life.
For Mother’s Day this year, Taylor and I and the woman I call my sister, Erin Goldschmidt, went to Washington DC. We had an incredible weekend and Taylor gave me a great gift which I could tell she put a lot of time and effort into preparing. She put together the top ten things she loves about having me as her mom. I have a list far larger than ten items that I love about being Taylor’s mom but here are just a few that I am thinking about in this moment…
1.) Everytime I look at her, I see the love that God has for me and for her in her beautiful eyes.
2.)I love watching her sleep. Reminds me of what true peace looks like.
3.)When she finally understood the love that God has for her and why he created her uniquely wonderful. (This was recent)
4.)When she holds my hand walking down a street and is not afraid that she looks “uncool”
5.)When she tells me she loves me without me saying it first.
6.)When she says, “Mom, I think I just want to hang with you today…and it’s not to go shopping.”
7.)All the major moments….winning her first triathalon, swim meet, soccer goal, Mason Idol, singing at the AVP, her first play, baptism at Crossroads…and the list will just continue to grow.
8.)When she comes to me for advice….and she takes it.
9.)Seeing her go outside herself and show compassion and empathy for someone else.
10.)Most of all….watching her discover herself….who she really is not who she felt she needed to be for others or to fit in but who SHE is and learning to LOVE herself. That is an amazing gift to me that keeps giving!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
"What's Love Got To Do With It.....EVERYTHING"
What can I say….I am feeling inspired to write about this topic called LOVE….OK, I know what may be going through your mind right now. Some may be cynical on this subject, some may have cornered the market on this subject and probably many of you may be open to the concept of LOVE but may have been hurt and broken in the past by those you love. I am definitely not a professional on this subject but I would like to share some of my journey ranging from love of self, love of God, love of my child, love of a spouse, friend and how I view the subject of love now at almost 42 years of age. Just when I think I have it completely figured out, God teaches me something new on this subject.
My first kiss came at almost 15 years of age from Brian Rubel. He was a senior in high school and lived 3 hours away. We were camp counselors at a 4-H camp. I fell completely what I thought was “in love” and of course very quickly had my heart broken when it could not sustain the age difference of 3 years and the 3 hour drive. What did I learn from this “first love” experience….that someone found me cute enough to kiss because let’s face it at that age…it’s all about the looks. I also gained a lot of confidence from this experience which carried me forward in future relationships. What was most pivotal though was probably the most meaningful conversation I ever had with my mother. She was not a naturally demonstrative person with her emotions when it came to me but I remember her putting her arms around me and just letting me cry and she really seemed to understand what I was going through. That moment, I really felt like my mom loved me and cared about me in a way I was craving for from her. I wish I could have been better at this with my own daughter when she suffered her first heartbreak last year. I thought I was being supportive but my way of being supportive was to tell her how beautiful, independent and intelligent she was and she could do so much better in the boyfriend department. What I should have done was just hold her, listen to her and let her cry. I learned a valuable lesson from that and I will not make that mistake again.
Through the years, there were a series of unhealthy choices surrounding men. I chose to simply date and not engage because I was a VERY focused young woman and I promised myself that I did not need a man in order to be happy and fulfilled. I had my career, my friends and the occasional short-term relationship to fill me up. I will take this time to skip ahead and focus on my first adult long-term relationship that turned into marriage…. My daughter’s father. We were both young and trying to figure things out. I don’t think either one of us were truly prepared for what it takes to be a parent, a spouse, a friend, and a lover. Although we got the marriage part wrong, I learned probably the most I have ever learned about love and that is the concept of unconditional love. My daughter, Taylor, taught me that. I never knew my heart could be so filled with love. That snowballed ultimately into other areas of my life. Although I grew up in the church, I was not a Christian. I became a Christ-follower when my daughter was almost five years old. Over the years, I have learned how to truly love myself just by understanding the concept that God has unconditional love for me and that I have been granted mercy and grace by Jesus giving up his life for ME. The greatest form of unconditional love. I learned to forgive myself and to forgive others. My relationship with Him has infiltrated into every area of my life.
Several years ago singer Tina Turner had a hit song entitled “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” It demeans love as nothing more than a “second-hand emotion”. Sadly, our world, and even Christians, have a tendency to allow love to become unnecessary, something that takes second place to doing. If you have love for one another” (John 13:35 not just a love for friends and family, but a love for all God’s creation, he causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? I would say if you have this attitude towards LOVE, relationships can be lived out in the way that they were meant to be…with an attitude of love, mercy and grace.
With all that I have said in mind, I can close out my thoughts by sharing some of the mature feelings I have learned about love and will carry into a relationship with “one” amazing individual that I will eventually share the rest of my journey with. I carry these thoughts into my relationships with friends, family and my amazing daughter as well. Love can be a strange feeling that is one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions are blissful and overwhelming, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. I will NEVER again operate out of FEAR and be afraid to say “I Love You.” When you say these words, whether in prayer, with family and friends or with your partner, they should carry with them the desire to show them that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Secondly, be empathetic. I try to put myself in their shoes. Rather than impose my own expectations, I try hard to understand how they are feeling, where they come from, and who they are. I also take the time to concentrate on how they could also love me back just as well and effectively communicate that. I aspire to love even more unconditionally. If I cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism. If your interest is not in the other person but rather in how that person can enhance your life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. I expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. That’s where boundaries need to be established. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing their love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. I have also come to learn that love can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. I feel truly lucky and blessed to have people in my life to love. Finally, I will never stop giving love. That is what God has created me to do. To love others and by the same vein to receive love. Final thought….“Thank you….I receive that.”
My first kiss came at almost 15 years of age from Brian Rubel. He was a senior in high school and lived 3 hours away. We were camp counselors at a 4-H camp. I fell completely what I thought was “in love” and of course very quickly had my heart broken when it could not sustain the age difference of 3 years and the 3 hour drive. What did I learn from this “first love” experience….that someone found me cute enough to kiss because let’s face it at that age…it’s all about the looks. I also gained a lot of confidence from this experience which carried me forward in future relationships. What was most pivotal though was probably the most meaningful conversation I ever had with my mother. She was not a naturally demonstrative person with her emotions when it came to me but I remember her putting her arms around me and just letting me cry and she really seemed to understand what I was going through. That moment, I really felt like my mom loved me and cared about me in a way I was craving for from her. I wish I could have been better at this with my own daughter when she suffered her first heartbreak last year. I thought I was being supportive but my way of being supportive was to tell her how beautiful, independent and intelligent she was and she could do so much better in the boyfriend department. What I should have done was just hold her, listen to her and let her cry. I learned a valuable lesson from that and I will not make that mistake again.
Through the years, there were a series of unhealthy choices surrounding men. I chose to simply date and not engage because I was a VERY focused young woman and I promised myself that I did not need a man in order to be happy and fulfilled. I had my career, my friends and the occasional short-term relationship to fill me up. I will take this time to skip ahead and focus on my first adult long-term relationship that turned into marriage…. My daughter’s father. We were both young and trying to figure things out. I don’t think either one of us were truly prepared for what it takes to be a parent, a spouse, a friend, and a lover. Although we got the marriage part wrong, I learned probably the most I have ever learned about love and that is the concept of unconditional love. My daughter, Taylor, taught me that. I never knew my heart could be so filled with love. That snowballed ultimately into other areas of my life. Although I grew up in the church, I was not a Christian. I became a Christ-follower when my daughter was almost five years old. Over the years, I have learned how to truly love myself just by understanding the concept that God has unconditional love for me and that I have been granted mercy and grace by Jesus giving up his life for ME. The greatest form of unconditional love. I learned to forgive myself and to forgive others. My relationship with Him has infiltrated into every area of my life.
Several years ago singer Tina Turner had a hit song entitled “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” It demeans love as nothing more than a “second-hand emotion”. Sadly, our world, and even Christians, have a tendency to allow love to become unnecessary, something that takes second place to doing. If you have love for one another” (John 13:35 not just a love for friends and family, but a love for all God’s creation, he causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? I would say if you have this attitude towards LOVE, relationships can be lived out in the way that they were meant to be…with an attitude of love, mercy and grace.
With all that I have said in mind, I can close out my thoughts by sharing some of the mature feelings I have learned about love and will carry into a relationship with “one” amazing individual that I will eventually share the rest of my journey with. I carry these thoughts into my relationships with friends, family and my amazing daughter as well. Love can be a strange feeling that is one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions are blissful and overwhelming, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. I will NEVER again operate out of FEAR and be afraid to say “I Love You.” When you say these words, whether in prayer, with family and friends or with your partner, they should carry with them the desire to show them that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Secondly, be empathetic. I try to put myself in their shoes. Rather than impose my own expectations, I try hard to understand how they are feeling, where they come from, and who they are. I also take the time to concentrate on how they could also love me back just as well and effectively communicate that. I aspire to love even more unconditionally. If I cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism. If your interest is not in the other person but rather in how that person can enhance your life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. I expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. That’s where boundaries need to be established. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing their love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. I have also come to learn that love can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. I feel truly lucky and blessed to have people in my life to love. Finally, I will never stop giving love. That is what God has created me to do. To love others and by the same vein to receive love. Final thought….“Thank you….I receive that.”
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
SUCCESS ..."And The First Shall Be Last and the Last First"
I was talking with a good friend of mine last night and we began talking about success and how people view success differently. I have actually been working on this piece for a few weeks but couldn’t quite put the finishing touches on my thoughts until now. SUCCESS…how people view success is an important question for me to ask when I am beginning to engage with people because it gives a pretty accurate view of where that person is in their journey and the things that are important to them. I like to ask questions like, “How do YOU measure your own success?” It always leads to a pretty interesting discussion and is a great ice-breaker at a dinner party….there is nothing like putting someone on the hot seat right away! I have heard people describe success as the balance in their bank account, and how their peers recognize them. Some describe success as how successful their children turn out.
In recent years, I have been of the opinion that success is multi-determined. I think in order to achieve success you first have to be authentic and live your life from that place while always striving to be better. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, “Insist on yourself. Never imitate.” Being authentic means living from a platform where you will stand up for an ideal, or act to improve the lives of others, or strike out against injustice. I believe at least at this point of my 41 year old life that my most important contribution to the world might be being who I am… and that is caring, kind, civil, decent, and a hopeful woman, friend, mother and partner. I believe that these ideals come from the person most important in my life, My Father…God! I also believe that these traits are a part of my calling from God.
I used to have these grand ideals on how I wanted to make an impact on the world and then I would consider myself successful. I wanted to change things for the better, improve lives, leave behind something positive. And yet, with the vastness of this world, and the number of people out there that will resist change … it seems impossible at times that I would ever have a big impact on this world. How can one person make an impact on the world? How can those of us who aren’t in the circle of influencers such as elected officials or influential media types effect change? It can be very overwhelming like how I feel when I am sitting by the ocean. It’s like dropping all those efforts into the ocean — the overall effect is …unnoticeable. However, I now tend to view success one life at a time. Taking those same “ocean efforts” and concentrating them in the right place can make an impact..
I am fairly certain there are many of us who would like to make an impact on the world, in some way or another. I now believe it happens one life at a time and one interaction at a time. Perhaps you can remember an interaction with someone who made you feel really good about yourself. They made you feel respected, valued, and understood. Now try to remember a time when someone's words or actions made you feel bad about yourself. You may have felt insulted or alienated.
Do you think about how others feel about themselves after they speak with you? You should. Because what you say and do impacts the way people feel about themselves. How people feel after interacting with you on a first encounter is especially important, because it will impact how they feel about you, at that moment and perhaps permanently. It’s pretty elementary actually -- If you make people feel understood and happy, they may project that good feeling onto you and feel positively about you. However, if you inadvertently insult them or make them feel ill at ease, they may project inaccurate negative traits onto you. At the very least, they will associate their good or bad feelings with you. One sentence, one idea, or one action can make a massive impact. You never know who will be touched. Confirmation from this can come from bumping into someone you helped years earlier. New doors may open after years of knocking. However, be prepared that you also may never truly know the full extent of your impact so have other reasons to do what you do.
SUCCESS…from a biblical standpoint, it is important to know that God doesn’t call us to be successful, but to be faithful. If we measure our acts by terms of success, we can get really discouraged real fast, because there will always be someone more successful in the world’s eyes. God created each of us unique and with a mission and calling. In Ephesians 2:10, He say’s, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he prepared in advance for us to do!” True success in His Kingdom is being faithful to that calling he gives us, especially in the face of even the worst discouragement.
Our culture of course defines success as being a little better than everyone else. As a Christ follower, I know this is not true because Jesus said that the first shall be last, and the last shall be first! In his message to the churches, Jesus does not ever mention the “success” of their church or what a great fire and brimstone sermon was delivered by their dynamic pastor or even how awesome their Sunday school program is. He never mentions that he know’s their faith…He says “I know your works.” As a lover of Christ and all He did for me, my works will determine my success in God's eyes and the faith that is truly in my heart. If we are faithful, our works will glorify Him daily and the impact will be AMAZING. And their in lies how I determine SUCCESS!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"Thanks In All Things"
Thanksgiving… For me personally, the word Thanksgiving speaks to the evolution of my life. There was a day when Thanksgiving was merely a holiday break from school or a day where I could relax and have great food with friends or family. However, the word Thanksgiving now speaks to me as not just a secular holiday but an opportunity to make giving to others and giving thanks a daily event in my life. After all, kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration are all by-products of heartfelt thanksgiving. The actual day of “Thanksgiving” will serve as a reminder to me that I need to be thankful in all things… and that means every day of the year!
The challenging part of finding thankfulness in “all” things is that not all things at the time seem like something I should be giving thanks for. For example, it sounds funny to me to say Thank you God for that unexpected car problem I suffered last week. Instead, I say thank you God for providing the means and allowing me to have the opportunity to cultivate relationships with people that can help me get that pesky little car problem taken care of.
In a different vein, the holiday can be a difficult time if you are in a season of loss, sickness, financial hardship or transition in your life. When we have lost someone special in our life whether it’s due to divorce or death, the holiday season can be a painful reminder of how terrible you are feeling instead of bringing warmth, love, and excitement. The holidays are especially significant because they are familiar signs of tradition and memories. They seem to have a way of filling our memories with warm glimpses of good times shared with the people we have loved during our lives. Transitions are never easy, and there may well be days when all you want to do is hit the rewind button and put everything back to the way it was before. I have been through these difficult times and I can see it definitely involves taking little baby steps in order to adapt. I felt like the holidays would never be like I remembered them, but with a little patience, understanding and flexibility, I have learned to make the holidays hopeful again and even more wonderful than before… and for that reason alone, I am especially thankful.
I have found that successful and joyous people are usually very skilled at counting their blessings. They focus on what’s right about their life instead of what’s wrong. I'm thankful that God has given me the strength to meet the challenges that come with life. I’m thankful for each memory that my family and friends have given me. I’m thankful for having a profound understanding that it is more important to give than to receive. Theologian W.T. Purkiser said, “It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them is the true measure of thanksgiving. I am beyond thankful for having such wonderful and rewarding work during a time when many are not working. I am so thankful for my family, particularly my beautiful daughter, Taylor who keeps me laughing…and sometimes crying as she both spreads her wings and tests herself in this crazy world we live in. I am also so blessed and thankful for the wonderful circle of friends that make my life fun and meaningful.
This is the perfect time to pause and remember the intangibles that make this life so worth living, and to reconnect and find peace and warmth in that feeling of gratitude. For, as long as we are drawing breath, there is a genuine opportunity to GIVE…and to give THANKS!
The challenging part of finding thankfulness in “all” things is that not all things at the time seem like something I should be giving thanks for. For example, it sounds funny to me to say Thank you God for that unexpected car problem I suffered last week. Instead, I say thank you God for providing the means and allowing me to have the opportunity to cultivate relationships with people that can help me get that pesky little car problem taken care of.
In a different vein, the holiday can be a difficult time if you are in a season of loss, sickness, financial hardship or transition in your life. When we have lost someone special in our life whether it’s due to divorce or death, the holiday season can be a painful reminder of how terrible you are feeling instead of bringing warmth, love, and excitement. The holidays are especially significant because they are familiar signs of tradition and memories. They seem to have a way of filling our memories with warm glimpses of good times shared with the people we have loved during our lives. Transitions are never easy, and there may well be days when all you want to do is hit the rewind button and put everything back to the way it was before. I have been through these difficult times and I can see it definitely involves taking little baby steps in order to adapt. I felt like the holidays would never be like I remembered them, but with a little patience, understanding and flexibility, I have learned to make the holidays hopeful again and even more wonderful than before… and for that reason alone, I am especially thankful.
I have found that successful and joyous people are usually very skilled at counting their blessings. They focus on what’s right about their life instead of what’s wrong. I'm thankful that God has given me the strength to meet the challenges that come with life. I’m thankful for each memory that my family and friends have given me. I’m thankful for having a profound understanding that it is more important to give than to receive. Theologian W.T. Purkiser said, “It is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them is the true measure of thanksgiving. I am beyond thankful for having such wonderful and rewarding work during a time when many are not working. I am so thankful for my family, particularly my beautiful daughter, Taylor who keeps me laughing…and sometimes crying as she both spreads her wings and tests herself in this crazy world we live in. I am also so blessed and thankful for the wonderful circle of friends that make my life fun and meaningful.
This is the perfect time to pause and remember the intangibles that make this life so worth living, and to reconnect and find peace and warmth in that feeling of gratitude. For, as long as we are drawing breath, there is a genuine opportunity to GIVE…and to give THANKS!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
"WEIGHTY ISSUES"
Ahhh…it feels so good to just sit down and be still and finally write. The past couple of months have been stressful, crazy, difficult and full of spiritual warfare. But at the same time there have been many blessings along the way as well. Blessings included a wonderful weekend with my beautiful daughter Taylor, a trip south to see my best friend Erin get married on the beach at sunset, a very awesome trip to Monterrey Mexico with the Back2Back staff, and friends just looking out for me in general.
This past week in particular, I have been giving much thought to what it means to walk in the light of Christ as a believer. In the past it was my nature to beat myself up when I sinned, fell away from Christ for a period of time, or just struggled with whether or not he was listening to me. This morning as I was spending some quite time just talking to God, I really felt like God was reminding me that there are definitely three voices and they all talk at the same time at various moments in my life. Those voices are my own, God’s and Satan’s. It was in that moment that I was reminded that I am a Christ follower. I have already accepted the gift of grace. I have already been forgiven for every nasty deed I have done or will do. I don’t have to beat myself up any longer. God already did that for me when he allowed his son to be nailed to that cross where so many other sinners like myself had gone before Him. In that moment at approximately 5:30 a.m. this morning, I felt like a heavy rock that was pinning me down had been rolled away. I even got on the scale and was 5 pounds lighter…J I have had some other thoughts too the past few months about my life as a believer in Jesus.
Further reflection has led me to to the thought that life doesn’t always turn out how we plan it. Often it seems to turn out almost exactly opposite of how we thought it would. The job you’ve worked so hard to get slips through your fingers. The relationship that seemed to be “it” disintegrates before your very eyes. The person that you thought you could always trust betrays you. Your dreams of being used by God in great ways never seem to materialize into the way you may have dreamed. When life doesn’t turn out how you have imagined, it can be painful and confusing. More than once I’ve looked at my own life and thought, “Lord, I don’t understand what you are doing here! This was not the plan!”
These days, many people I consider friends don’t claim to follow Jesus - a complete turnaround from the way life used to be when I first became a Christ follower. I’ve found that we have more in common than not, more similarities than differences. What I have learned about Jesus through these relationships especially as of late is more than I could learn from any book or sermon. I’ve learned that Jesus is a respecter of all persons. He loves “Steve” as much as He loves me. The same is true for all those I have come to know in the past year. I’ve always known it, but now I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.
I am a sinner and a saint. I am wise and foolish. I am holy and impure. It is not my responsibility to convince the world of who Jesus is so that they will join the “good side.” It is not my responsibility to shame others with a pious perfection. However, it is my responsibility to journey through this life with others in such a way that Jesus is present here and now with them. That through me, they might be loved and discover they are loved by Him. That is really my only “job” as a Christ follower. Knowing that shall certainly take at least another 10 lbs. off that scale.
This past week in particular, I have been giving much thought to what it means to walk in the light of Christ as a believer. In the past it was my nature to beat myself up when I sinned, fell away from Christ for a period of time, or just struggled with whether or not he was listening to me. This morning as I was spending some quite time just talking to God, I really felt like God was reminding me that there are definitely three voices and they all talk at the same time at various moments in my life. Those voices are my own, God’s and Satan’s. It was in that moment that I was reminded that I am a Christ follower. I have already accepted the gift of grace. I have already been forgiven for every nasty deed I have done or will do. I don’t have to beat myself up any longer. God already did that for me when he allowed his son to be nailed to that cross where so many other sinners like myself had gone before Him. In that moment at approximately 5:30 a.m. this morning, I felt like a heavy rock that was pinning me down had been rolled away. I even got on the scale and was 5 pounds lighter…J I have had some other thoughts too the past few months about my life as a believer in Jesus.
Further reflection has led me to to the thought that life doesn’t always turn out how we plan it. Often it seems to turn out almost exactly opposite of how we thought it would. The job you’ve worked so hard to get slips through your fingers. The relationship that seemed to be “it” disintegrates before your very eyes. The person that you thought you could always trust betrays you. Your dreams of being used by God in great ways never seem to materialize into the way you may have dreamed. When life doesn’t turn out how you have imagined, it can be painful and confusing. More than once I’ve looked at my own life and thought, “Lord, I don’t understand what you are doing here! This was not the plan!”
These days, many people I consider friends don’t claim to follow Jesus - a complete turnaround from the way life used to be when I first became a Christ follower. I’ve found that we have more in common than not, more similarities than differences. What I have learned about Jesus through these relationships especially as of late is more than I could learn from any book or sermon. I’ve learned that Jesus is a respecter of all persons. He loves “Steve” as much as He loves me. The same is true for all those I have come to know in the past year. I’ve always known it, but now I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.
I am a sinner and a saint. I am wise and foolish. I am holy and impure. It is not my responsibility to convince the world of who Jesus is so that they will join the “good side.” It is not my responsibility to shame others with a pious perfection. However, it is my responsibility to journey through this life with others in such a way that Jesus is present here and now with them. That through me, they might be loved and discover they are loved by Him. That is really my only “job” as a Christ follower. Knowing that shall certainly take at least another 10 lbs. off that scale.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)